And How Depression Led Me There

Source: Author

From reading the title, most of you have already formed a judgment about me. And that’s fine. I’m not here to condone cheating by any means. In life, we tend to look for clear-cut “good guys” and “bad guys.” But sometimes, in situations like these, where there appears to be a clear-cut “good guy” and “bad guy,” there isn’t. At least not until you hear the whole story. So I ask you to stay open-minded.

The story of my affair actually started ten years prior to it, when I graduated high school and began dating my would-be husband. My boyfriend…

A Poem

Photo by Kristina Tripkovic on Unsplash

I sit here and it’s raining.

And I miss you.

Like the rain, I want to cry.

For it is you I so long for.

Your absence is an emptiness buried in my soul,

Tearing me apart,

Ripping at my heart.

I see no one as they pass me by.

My emptiness tells me they are not here.

I look past all the people and see only the rain,

The gentle drops that kiss the puddles all around.

Some of the drops streak down a window like tears on a cheek.

The rain knows how I feel and wants the…

Letter to Mommy

Photo by Philipp Pilz on Unsplash

Sept 4 — I haven’t written in here lately and besides Carl suggested that I write about today. Actually today I was pretty depressed all day. I was feeling very sensitive and kept crying all day. I was missing Carl badly. Although I had seen him yesterday, I was sad it was supposedly the last I’d see him this week. Call it obsessive, pathetic, what you will but I can’t stop how I feel. I was just plain depressed. I was due a day like this. I did not want to get up this morning. My plans for this day…

Letters To Randy

Photo by Yannick Menard on Unsplash

August 22


I’m sorry this took me so long to get this out to you. But I hit my first bump in my wolf story. You see, my story has a connected beginning and ending. It’s the middle that’s the problem. There are holes. Big holes. Some parts that I know will be in the story are a bit connected but there are also other little parts that are just possibilities I’ve played around with.

I did, though, want to fix up this part so it connects with what you’ve read so far. But after this letter, you might…

A Confession

Source: Author

Saturday 29 July


I’m listening to Don Giovanni now. I still cannot believe you don’t like opera! It rained all day today, and on many occasions, I thought about what you just wrote me concerning Lisa. I wish I were there for you. What more can I say? Damn, I feel so useless here! I can’t even write a good poem to ease my frustration. At least I got to wear my trench coat today. They issued us one in basic; it’s blue of course. You know I miss Beth…. And Liz but I don’t miss Shameem that much…


Photo by Idella Maeland on Unsplash

Randy hated his name. The main reason was because, as a child, he had trouble pronouncing Rs so every time someone asked him his name he’d say “Wandy” and they’d think he said “Andy,” so he’d have to repeat himself twice and he’d get that look that told him he was a freak. And Randy felt like a freak. He had a pock-marked face that warranted the comment from a girl in high school, “Randy is like a shriveled version of Han Solo.”

Randy felt ugly. He preferred to hide in his room and listen to classical music or read…

The Summer of 3 Weddings and a Funeral

Photo by Thea Hdc on Unsplash

Summer came and provided relief from endless assignments and tests. Lisa took her Honors Colloquium Social Science course over the summer. It was basically a bullshit course required by the Honors College. The teacher told the class one day that everyone should change spouses 3 times in their lifetime the same as people change careers. The first is your first love, the second the one you have children with, and the third the person you grow old with. This upset Lisa greatly and as soon as class was over she turned to her journal.

July 11 — I don’t understand…

I Am

Source: Author

When Lisa told Carl they had to go back to being just friends, he was devastated.

“I didn’t want this, but I guess that’s what I got,” he said.

When Lisa reached the library the next morning she found the doors locked and for a half-second thought about going to Carl’s office despite having just broken up with him the day before. But someone was inside unlocking the doors and Lisa found she was disappointed. This was not where she really wanted to be. She wondered what Carl was doing alone in his office. At least she had her headphones…

When Love Goes Wrong

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Lisa had quit Arby’s and worked at the university bookstore for a few weeks before she switched jobs to a video/tanning salon (a strange combination, yes) near her house. Between her school work and job, Lisa was getting worn out and dejected. As much as she worked, the money never really increased in her bank account. She wanted out of her house so badly but just didn’t have the money to do so. That spring her parents had given her a choice between buying her a car or paying for a dorm room. She had opted for the car at…

The Birth of the Dark Wolf

Photo by Virginia Johnson on Unsplash

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy. “It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil — he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”

He continued, “The other is good — he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you — and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute…

Lisa D

A pillar of salt with an unhealthy obsession with the past

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store